Four years after I lost you I will always wonder who you would have become. Would you have had green eyes or blue? Blonde hair or red? What would your giggle have sounded like? Would you have looked like me or your daddy? Who would you have become my darling sweet butterfly baby?
I wasn’t prepared to loose you my darling. That day, four years ago today I woke with hope in my heart and you in my belly, little did I know what was to come.
People don’t talk about the pain of losing a baby, it is the last great social taboo but I will talk about you my darling because to hide away the pain of losing you is to hide you away and that I will never do. You mattered my darling, to me you were my baby the second those two little lines appeared you had a place in my heart and in my heart you will forever stay.
You were the first baby I lost but you weren’t to be the last, after you came Baby S and then Baby P. With each loss my heart broke a little more. Each of you were wanted, so very wanted. Each of you were so, so loved. You were my babies and I your mother. I may never have had the honour of holding you in my arms but I held you within my body and within my heart.
I would have done anything to save you, anything to have the chance to hold you. I am comforted by the fact that all you ever knew was love, the beat of my heart was all you ever heard and you will stay within that heart for the rest of my life.
Time has passed my sweet babies and the pain is less raw but it is still there, the scars are still upon my heart, it will forever be fractured by your loss, and I will make no apology for that, no matter how uncomfortable it makes others.
You were my babies, babies I never got to meet but babies I love all the same.
Never forgotten, always loved beyond comprehension. Forever my sweet, precious butterfly babies 💖💖💖
Fly fearlessly my darlings, you never made it into my arms but you will forever be carried inside my broken heart
All my love